McTed, the palm reader
by Pocky King Windy
Summary: It'sWatch out, there's a bit of cussing here (heh)! Eh, it's a parody about Ted and McDohl's little misadventure. Really silly, it is! Ted gets bored running errands for Kraze and has a wonderful idea...


McTed, the Palm Reader  
  
By Windy McDohl  
  
  
Disclaimer: All characters portrayed here belong to Konami CE's Genso Suikoden. Stealing is prohibited by the law, as well as a certain mad commander named Kraze… Well, that's what he possessed to say, anyway. Har.  
  
Note: Here, now. Please don't kill me for what I'm going to do… poking fun at poor; unfortunate McDohl and Ted like that… But I've been very much vexed myself lately. Oh, my…  
  
_______________________  
  
  
Once upon a time, in a rather pleasant city called Gregminster, there lived two naughty punks by the name of Ted and Young Master McDohl. But to shorten Young Master McDohl, we'll just stick to calling him McDohl. Deal? Anyway, these two brats were always up to a few tricks now and then, and this vexes Gremio very much. …Oh, did I say very much? I'm sorry, but what I meant to say was "very, very, very much to the point of migraines and sleepless nights that he got really, really sick and in the end slipped into a coma".  
  
Well, that doesn't matter anyway. Ted and McDohl had a wonderful time playing pranks on practically everybody and hardly got into trouble because McDohl happened to be the extremely spoilt brat of General Teo McDohl's. And besides, Ted had a very charming air and could con everyone into believing "what a goooooooooooood boy" he was.  
  
The two of them had a job running boring errands for this weakling called Kraze (Har, har.) and they weren't exactly trilled at that. Plus, there was this guy Kasim who always seemed to catch Ted and McDohl red-handed at their naughty antics and spanked them when he did.  
  
No, they did not like Kasim.  
  
They didn't like General Milich either, because he often dragged McDohl away from Ted to play dress-up with him in his 'unique' house.  
  
No, they did not like Milich.  
  
Then there was this big loser called uh, what's his name… Oh, yeah, Kanaan. He was always eating and eating and at last, he burst into nothing. Heh, but they managed to stitch him back together again, somehow.  
  
No, they did NOT like Kanaan.  
  
And then there was this Lady Windy who was actually a over-three-hundred year old witch who didn't stay with her sister, the awesome Lady Leknaat, because the hardly got along together. Lady Windy had said that McDohl was "an attractive young man" while Lady Leknaat had said that McDohl was "a cute messenger". And they had argued over it for say, five hundred years? Anyway…  
  
No, they did NOT like Lady Windy.  
  
But they liked Lady Leknaat because she had a cool apprentice who loved to trick people with his True Wind Rune.  
  
Yes, they thought that Lady Leknaat was okay.  
  
Well, that went for the few people they weren't really fond of, particularly.  
  
Anyway, there came one day when the boys were out carrying bottles of cough mixture to the Imperial Barracks for Kraze… Ugh, Commander Kraze (I ALWAYS somehow forget his title, but that's because he's SOOOOOOOO puny) when the alert Ted spotted a notice outside Lady Sonya's house.  
  
'The Grand Bazaar, held in Gregminster square by Kanaan  
Time: In the evening, duh!  
Date: Next next Sunday  
PS: Please bring A LOT of food' (Obviously he never learnt the lesson of overeating)  
  
"Oh, look, McDohl! A Bazaar! That's so cool!!!"  
  
"Ah?" McDohl was confused.  
  
"…………You know, don't you think that running errands for Kraze is boring?"  
  
"Oh, Ted!" McDohl, the "gooder boy" was horrified. "It's a *nice* job! I don't want to lose it! Father will KILL me!"  
  
"Aw, c'mon!" Ted persisted. "He won't; he loves you so much! Besides, working for Kraze doesn't benefit us in any way!"  
  
"Oh, Ted! I wish you wouldn't say such things! I feel so tempted already!"  
  
"Okay, okay…" Ted rolled his eyes. He didn't like to see his friend upset.  
  
They walked along till they reached Kraze's little room. Ted gave his report, and at the end of it, he shocked McDohl with one of his trilling speeches.  
  
"I'm afraid McDohl and I will not be able to report for the next two weeks," said Ted solemnly; "Please get someone else to run your errands for you."  
  
"It's the Bazaar, isn't it?" asked Kraze, calmly. "Well, I suppose you may take leave for that. I'll be on leave myself. Now, scram, boys. And you, McDohl, General Milich wants y…"  
  
"Uh, thanks, Sir!" said Ted hurriedly. "We'll be on our way now!"  
  
__________________  
  
  
"Ted, why DID you say such a thing for?"  
  
"Hey! C'mon, it's not like it's the end of the world!" Ted replied courageously. "Anyway, listen up… Do you remember the Bazaar held on a fortnight's time?"  
  
"Well? What about it?"  
  
"Oh, it's just that there's this McTed who'll be reading people's palms there on Sunday. He's really powerful, you know! He can read their future, and tell people about themselves!"  
  
"So?!" McDohl was exasperated. "What does this have to do with us?"  
  
"Don't you get it????!!!!" Ted yelled at his friend. "That McTed will be one of us, all dressed up, and reading people's palms just like *SNAP*!"  
  
"Oh…" McDohl looked blank for a while. "WHAT? B-But you know very well that we can't read the future!"  
  
"We'll make them up, of course! … Well, let's get to work! And don't worry about the 'telling people about themselves thing'; we know everyone in this city!"  
  
"You'll be McTed, Ted. You're so handsome and smart, while I'm so shy and girlish…"  
  
"Yup, okay!" Ted's eyes shone with enthusiasm. "Let's get some clothes from Luc! He says that he is willing to help anyone with a good prank up his sleeve…"  
  
_____________________  
  
  
"Ooooooooookaaaaaaaaaay," Luc flexed, grinning at them mischievously. "Here are Lady Leknaat's clothes. And here are mine. Ted, you will wear my clothes (you'd look cool in that; everyone looks cool in my outfit) and McDohl will wear Lady Leknaat's clothes…"  
  
"What?" McDohl wailed. "Why must I wear Lady Leknaat's clothes? I don't wanna! Don't WANNA!!!"  
  
"YOU WILL DO AS I SAY!!!!" Luc roared, enraged. "OR I'LL TELEPORT YOU TO GENERAL MILICH'S HOUSE AT ONCE!"  
  
"Okay, okay… *Sob, sob, sniffle* I'll do as you say, you Meany!" McDohl sobbed sadly. He got into Lady Leknaat's clothes and while he was doing so, Luc took pictures of him. Ted stared at Luc.  
  
"Whatever are you doing that for?" he asked, puzzled. Luc winked at him.  
  
"I'm going to post it up Lepant's porn site and make millions with it. HOO HOO HAA HA HA!!!"  
  
"Oh. Okay."  
  
_________________  
  
  
At last, the day arrived. Ted and McDohl walked together, hand in hand to the Bazaar. They had written a letter to Kanaan a week ago, telling them that they would be stopping by to read palms. Kanaan was terribly excited over it. Ted looked rather proud of himself, since he looked fine in his mage costume. But as for McDohl, he was silently praying that the earth would crumble below him and swallow him up. He looked like a mysterious lady from a foreign land, so pretty he was! Kanaan gulped when he saw him.  
  
"Oh, uh… Mister McTed! Welcome!"  
  
"That's your Royal Supreme Highness The World Renowned McTed, you big, bumbling, over-ripe fool! NOW GET OUT OF HERE!"  
  
Kanaan ran away, squealing. McDohl giggled to watch him. Ted guffawed, and winked at him. "Now, that's the end to all rubbish."  
  
He sat down on the chair placed inside, and motioned McDohl to guard the door. "Call me 'Your Highness', McDohl. And please safe keep the money. Charge 100 bits/potch per entry."  
  
"Yes, your Highness," McDohl curtsied and giggled, trying hard to pass off as a girl. Ted grinned.  
  
"Keep it up, kid! Hello, there's someone at the door! 1, 2, 3… Action!"  
  
McDohl answered the door. Outside was a young man, clad in a blue cloak, and he solemnly stepped in and handed 100 potch to McDohl.  
  
Ted grinned at him. This was the renowned Blue Lightning Flik, and he was a rebel. Flik returned the grin, as he was a quite friendly person by nature. He held out his palm to Ted.  
  
"You have gone though a lot of sorrows," said Ted, solemnly; "You have lost a loved one to a war…"  
  
"Oh, yes, I have!" exclaimed Flik, amazed. "Does my palm really tell you all that?"  
  
"Yes, it does. Now, don't interrupt, please," said Ted, resuming his play. "You like to help rebels and you try to keep most things in order during the hard times."  
  
"Indeed," Flik grinned. "Please tell me my future!"  
  
"Hmm…" Ted squinted at the palm. "Your palm tells me that you will go on a long journey by ship. You will marry a noisy girl called Nina and you will have fifteen children…"  
  
"FIFTEEN CHILREN?" Flik was aghast. "NINA? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!" Flik bolted from the door and ran out into the streets, screaming like a madman.  
  
McDohl laughed at Flik's departing form, but Ted hushed him. "Shh," he said. "There will be others coming soon…"  
  
And he was right. The next person who came in was Kraze. Ted's eyes glinted with mischief. Aha! Sweet revenge!  
  
"Pardon me, your Highness," Kraze bowed politely. "I have come to have my palm read."  
  
"Indeed you have, you simpleton! Why else would anyone be here? Now pass your palm, and I shall read it." Ted glared at the palm outstretched before him. "Now, about yourself… You are a mean man. You steal the poor people's taxes and you treat them badly, especially the two innocent boys, Ted and McDohl…"  
  
"Wow!" Kraze marveled, impressed, but not at all ashamed. "You really are a true one! What about my future? What do you see? Will I get rich?"  
  
"NEVER," he declared; "You will suffer misfortune for the rest of your life. You will catch a disease from the filth caused by your friend, a fat, ugly man…"  
  
"Kanaan! That wretch!" Kraze cried in a fury. "I'll kick him out! Now what else?"  
  
"You will grow old and die a lonely man. You will get poorer and poorer and more wretched than ever. Your d*** will be detached and you b***s cut off. You will…"  
  
"SAY NO MORE!" he screamed, and bolted from the room in a hurry, yelling "I'M GONNA DIE! I'M GONNA DIE!"  
  
Ted grinned. Soon, another person, Kasim, met him. Ted nearly fell off his chair in fright. McDohl shivered, but he tried to keep a straight face and welcomed Kasim in politely. Kasim smiled back, fancying McDohl's looks. He took a seat opposite of Ted.  
  
"Now, I shall read your palm," said Ted. "You are a honorable man, though you often treat innocent children badly for just a few naughty pranks…"  
  
"I do?" Kasim was surprised. He had thought that it was fine, and said it aloud. But when he caught the distraught 'lady's' (McDohl) looks, his viewpoint was shaken. He looked back at Ted. "It seems to me that I must change my views. Tell me, who is must treat better in the future."  
  
"Ted and McDohl, from your city, sir," Ted replied, trying to hide his smile. Kasim nodded seriously, once in a while gazing at McDohl, the lady.  
  
"What about my future?" he asked hopefully. "Will I obtain romance?"  
  
"No, unfortunately," said Ted, knowing full well what he meant by that tact question. "Err… But if you dig up all your plants in your garden, you might find a piece of gold…"  
  
"Gold!" Kasim exclaimed. "Oh, my! I must return at once… please forgive me…"  
  
And away he went. McDohl looked at Ted in horror.  
  
"Goodness gracious, Ted!" he cried. "What a silly thing to say!"  
  
"I said 'might'. Now shush, for there is another person here…"  
  
But this time it was not someone he knew. This person was a huge man, with eyes of a killer, and with him was a slight brunette with a circlet adorned upon his forehead. The huge man growled at him, but the brunette smiled kindly at Ted and McDohl. He ushered the man forward and pushed him into the seat.  
  
"Please read his palm," he asked in behalf of the moody man. "And since I'm present here too, let us pay double the amount."  
  
Ted was at a loss of what to do. "Uh…" he stuttered. "You're from far away…"  
  
"Yeah, yeah!" the man was impatient. "What next?"  
  
"Umm… you're married…"  
  
"I'M NOT!" he roared. But the brunette hushed him.  
  
"Never mind that. You will be married in fall, remember?" he reminded him gently. "Maybe he means that. Don't you?"  
  
"Uh, yes," Ted replied quickly. "You like peaceful neighborhoods…"  
  
"I DO NOT!" the man exploded. "I HATE peace! Kill those spineless worms! Smash those vermin!!! Kill them all!!! DIE, PIGS! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Oh, dear, what a fraud!" the brunette wrung his hands. "Are you McTed, or are you not? Tell us the truth!"  
  
At that point, Kasim came storming in with the others. He growled at them, and pointed an accusing finger at them.  
  
"YOU!" Kasim roared. "You told me that I would find gold beneath my plants! Now that I've ruined my back uprooting them, and found none, what've you to say for yourself? You're a fraud, McTed! A fraud!"  
  
"Yes, yes! A fraud!" repeated Kraze.  
  
"SHUT UP!" roared the huge moody man. "You, McTed! Tell me who you are, you b******, or I'll kill all who live here!"  
  
"Luca!" the brunette pulled him back. "Watch your language!"  
  
McDohl began to weep. "Oh, dear, oh, dear! We didn't mean that! Oh, dear, Ted and I never meant to cheat you all! We made it all up, really, we did!"  
  
Kasim pulled off the hood obscuring McDohl's face. He roared when he saw who it was. "Oho, OHO! So it is you, McDohl! And I suppose this is Ted, your accomplice! One of your cute little pranks again, huh?"  
  
"Yes…" Ted stood up; now the truth was out. "It is I. But don't blame McDohl, please, as I pulled him into this. McDohl, give Kasim the money you're holding to pay for his ruined lawn."  
  
McDohl handed him the money without a word. He stepped back and looked at Kasim, frightened. They would have been spanked, if not for Flik's good humor.  
  
"HWAAAAARGHAWHAWHAW!" he laughed, nearly doubling over in glee. "Fifteen children! And I believed that all! Haw, haw, haw!"  
  
Seeing the humor in Flik's words, the rest laughed out loud too. So did Luca. "He said that I loved peace!!!! I love peace!!! What a gem!!! HUWAAAAAAAARHHARHARHAR!!!"  
  
"Ah, I will let you off this time," said Kasim at last, wiping off his tears. "But mind you, I'll not let you off so easily the next time I catch you playing such jokes again!"  
  
"We promise," Ted and McDohl replied, grateful that they had been let off so easily.  
  
"That's good," the brunette smiled at them. "Then you'll be pure enough to receive my rune so that I won't have to be stuck with it for the rest of my life…"  
  
"Well, that's it," said Flik. "…………… McDohl, why are you wearing a Seer's clothes?"  
  
_____________  
  
THE END?  
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End file.
